New Year, Fresh Start

Happy New Year all! Did you make any New Year’s resolutions?

 

I don’t really believe in “resolutions” as such, but this year, my brain seems to be working overtime in terms of thinking about where I want my life to go, and what things I want to accomplish. Whenever I think of “resolutions”, I think of short term goals rather than long term goals. Maybe because resolutions only seem to last in the short term.

 

Anyway, I’m going to try to put all of my thoughts into a cohesive blog.

 

I’ve suddenly decided I want to take up piano again. I took piano lessons for quite a while when I was younger, and quit when I started to really hate it. I can’t remember exactly how long I took it and when I quit. It was a long time ago though. Anyway, my dad got the piano tuned for my mom’s birthday in December, and in January I really decided I wanted to start up again. I don’t exactly know what it is within me that all of a sudden wants to do this, but I’m just going to go at my own pace and go with the flow. I think I pinned down the other day why I ended up hating it so much. I think it ultimately came down to that I was always told how I was supposed to practice and what songs I was supposed to play and what scales I was supposed to do, and it started to really bug me. I hate having my ‘hand held’ when I’m learning, and I think I started to feel suffocated. If I work at my own pace, I will be free to play whatever I wish, and I can make my own goals and not have to worry so much about timelines etc. We’ll see how it goes, I’m off to a not-so-bad start. Hopefully I’ll play semi-regularly throughout the year.

 

The next one is kind of a tough one. I’m not even exactly sure how to put it into words.

 

Essentially, I’m going to try to be more open and honest. Maybe blatant is the appropriate word. It’s not that I’m a liar, but I have a hard time saying how I really feel, and asking for things. I keep many things to myself, and I’m not sure that it gets me anywhere. But I worry about being too upfront because I worry about pushing people away or freaking people out. I don’t worry so much about freaking women out, but I worry a lot about freaking guys out. It’s weird, I know. I’ve been trying to be more open for a while now, and it’s not an easy thing for me to do , because of course the more open you are the more vulnerable you are. But ultimately, it would be worth it, I think.

I think what I really need to wrap my head around is that if people can’t handle me being completely honest, and letting them know how I truly feel, then maybe it’s time to let them go. Letting people go is such a difficult thing, but maybe sometimes it just has to happen.

Yet I think of other people in my life who are getting in touch with me first more often than I get in touch with them, and after many years, they’re still doing it. So maybe I should stop keeping track, and just go with the flow? I hate being the “chaser” though, I always feel like I’m being super annoying.

I guess the whole idea about being really honest with myself and everyone around me is all linked to me thinking of who I’m surrounding myself with and who I really want in my life. I think of certain people right now that I do want in my life, but as of right now, I’m not quite sure what our relationship is. Are we really “friends” or are we merely “acquaintances” or were we friends once, and we’re now just in limbo?. To me, being “friends” requires communication (on both sides) of some sort. It can just be on Facebook, but there has to be communication. You should know what’s going on in my life (and want to know) and I should know what’s going on in yours. I don’t need to know your entire life story all the time, but checking up on your friends is important.

 

All in all, I have one minor goal in my life and one major one. Let me know any opinions and such, I’d like to know what you all thought, and any New Years resolutions you have