Conversation

I'M FINALLY BLOGGING.

Good grief. It's only been forever and a stone age. People are actually ASKING about the blog. 

You know it's been too long when...




So I had an experience today, that should be a simple thing, but turned into something that turned my entire day around. 

It was something as simple as a conversation. 




We have those every day. Or at least we think we do. But do we...really?




I had a conversation today with a person that I've known for many many years; but with whom I've never had a real conversation. Which feels kind of strange, but I'm only just 20. So life really has only just started. 




It was a real conversation where I felt like BOTH parties were actually engaged in the conversation. Like, we had so much and nothing to catch up on all at the same time. 

What struck me, and still strikes me now, is the eye contact part. To me, that's how you can tell if you're having a real, raw conversation with a person. 


I mean, he SEARCHED for my eyes for Pete's sake. I don't think I've ever felt that experience. 


We're so used to "conversations" where we've got our phone on, our computer on, maybe our iPods in our ears, that we've forgotten what a conversation actually is. 


What's so disappointing to me, is how weird it felt to give him my full eye contact. I used to be so comfortable with it, and then I was sitting there, and he'd look at me right in my eyes, and I'd get all squirmy inside. And not the "OMG he's looking at me I wonder if he 'likes' me" kind of squirmy. It was a "this doesn't happen very often" kind of squirmy. 


Because it doesn't. 


I mean really, how often do you receive, and give someone your FULL eye contact? Thinking about it now, I've been doing it less and less. 


And honestly, I feel terrible about it. And I blame part of it on technology.


We've got so many distractions around us, so many things to avoid uncomfortable situations, that we have now turned something that should be completely natural into something completely uncomfortable. 

It's something I never even thought about until today, when it was actually searched for. 


You honestly will have no idea what I'm talking about unless you've experienced this. Such a basic part of life, completely forgotten about. Or, it's just been completely avoided. 


They say the eyes are the opening to the soul. Maybe that's why it's so hard to give full eye contact, and receive it. 

I honestly feel like we don't have genuine conversations everyday. Maybe with some people we do. Hopefully if you have a significant other in your life, you have genuine conversations at least more frequently. And I feel like some people may not be capable of a genuine conversation. What I do think, is that we can train ourselves to be more aware, and give eye contact more often, and have those genuine, raw, "this is me" kind of conversation. I'm going to try and do this more often.

30 "Week" Challenge- #5!

Holyyy we're already at week 5!

Week five is:

A picture of your favorite memory.


I am so bad with this "picture" business. It's a good thing I'm doing this on my blog....I'm soo not good at taking pictures...But I d actually have a picture for this one!!

My favorite memory is a hard one. I'm going to say it would be my 18th Birthday. 


I was struggling with some serious family issues at the time, and one of my friends decided to throw me a birthday party (it was kind of a surprise). It just made me feel really special, because I rarely throw parties for myself for my birthday, nevermind someone else throwing me one. 


So here's a picture!

100 books update

Hey all!

So I've made some adjustments to my "100 books in 365 days" challenge. 

It all started when I decided to give up on the 2nd book I was reading for the challenge-Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury (which I believe is #91 or #92 on the official list). As much as I don't want to, I'm 77 pages in, and I'm giving up on it. I was going to suck it up and just finish it, but then I started to think about what I really wanted out of the challenge. If I make this a really painful experience for myself, I will never finish the challenge. Most likely, I will just give up. I don't want to do that.


So instead, I've decided to at least give every book on the list a college try, and if a particular book is incredibly boring or whatever, I will simply stop reading that particular one, and find a different book to replace it. This way, I'm still reading 100 books, but I'm not being bored to tears if there is a book that I'm just not enjoying. 

So at this point, I've decided that instead of reading Something Wicked This Way Comes, I am going to read The Shack by William P. Young. I have read this book before, and it really touched me the first time, so I've decided that it's time to read it again. God really spoke to me the first time, and I'm excited to see if He has anything new to tell me this time. Or maybe He'll repeat what he told me the first time. Which is fine too.  

I am now going to fill myself up with some Christian music and Law studying. Which actually goes together quite well. 

30 "Week" Challenge- #4!

Hey all!

Time to catch up on my 30 week challenges. Here's week #4!

A picture of your night.

Last night, I spent a  quiet night with my lovely friend Jennifer. We just spent the night watching Love in the Time of Cholera, crocheting and eating delicious "monster" banana bread :) (We called them "monster" as they were so big!)

Our delicious "monster" banana bread!

The crocheting I donated to her so she can sell them. She needs funding to make her next album!

Jennifer is an amazing Christian singer/songwriter. She is making a new album this year, and needs some help with funding. She makes scarves like I do, and she was going to sell some that she's making, so I decided to help her out. If any of you are Facebook friends with me, all of the scarves that are in my "Crocheting/Crafty Creations!" photo album I will duplicate for you guys for a small price so that I can help her out! She is incredible in so many different ways, and I'd love to see her succeed in her music career. Here's one of her songs from her first album: 

Take a listen, and enjoy! If you want to help, let me know!!!

Friendship

Hey all!

I haven't posted a song on one of my blogs for a while so here you go! It kinda goes with a theme, but it's kinda sad...so hopefully it doesn't alter the mood I wanted too terribly much. 

So, how often have you been asked the question; "Would you rather have a lot of friends, or a few close ones?" I have been asked this question numerous times in my life, and I've wavered back and forth between the two options. I've been faced with this question over the last couple of weeks, but this time, I've been asking the question, and I've been asking it of myself. 

I started asking myself the question when I had coffee with a friend from high school. We were discussing high school drama; particularly the summers before and after grade 12, and our grade 12 year itself. 

The high school we graduated from is a small one, and most of my friends from my particular "group" I have known since kindergarten. It wasn't the superficial form of "know" that sometimes gets tossed around, such as "I've known her forever" but you've really only known her for a year or two. 

Eventually, as more new students enrolled at the school, more and more people joined our "group", and slowly, the "core people" grew further and further apart. At first, I didn't really think much of it, mostly because I still felt like I belonged. 

As the years continued however, I started to feel less and less like I belonged. That's when I started to get annoyed.

And I know. It's high school. Suck it up princess, right? 

Why? Why should I suck it up? When I've known people for a certain period of time, is it wrong to expect to be felt like part of a group?

I went entire summers looking at pictures on Facebook of my friends having fun, and me going "thanks for the invite guys..." I have a cell phone, I have access to a vehicle. There are no excuses.

I'm going to pause here.

I am in no way trying to be whiney, or trying to make you all feel sorry for me. And I'm not angry per se. What I am doing however, is ranting, which will have a point. I'm getting there.

So I asked my friend over coffee, "What did I do to them to be treated that way?" Her response was, "nothing. I think you just sort of slipped under the radar." 

Yikes. 

So in other words, had I made a stink about it, I would've been invited.

Wrong. That would've just made things worse. But that's not really the point.

The point is, what's so great about having a large group of friends, if they aren't going to make some of the effort? What's the point of having a large group of friends, and one person makes plans with somebody, then that somebody adds another somebody, and eventually you've got everybody...except for those one or two that tend to "slip under the radar". But OH WELL. They won't care...right?

WRONG.

If I've done something to somebody to make them angry or offend them or made them feel uncomfortable, I would rather know, then just be treated like nothing. Besides, I can't change if I don't know what the heck I'm doing wrong. Sometimes people don't understand what they have done. Nobody's perfect. 

So here's the deal.

I love being surrounded by friends. I've become more into larger groups than I used to be. 

However, it seems completely useless to me to be surrounded by people who, when it comes down to it, aren't going to be around when you need them, and just generally don't care. 

And I guess that's the way God works too....but that's an entirely different topic. 

So, to cut this long story short, I would rather have friends who are going to be there for me. Who are going to listen to me when I need an ear, and who will let me listen when they need someone. Who will include me in fun times, and who I would want to include in mine. Because otherwise, all you have is acquaintances.