I’m baaaaaack!

So, it’s been a long time, but with some encouragement, I’m going to at least attempt to come back on a semi-regular to regular basis.

  I’m sitting in the library, handwriting my “first draft” (sometimes there’s nothing like the feel of pen and paper to get the creativity going), and I’m looking outside at the beautiful fall scenery. I’ve really appreciated fall this year; the colours, the weather, everything. You’ll still hear me complain about the cold in the morning, but deep down, I do appreciate it.

It’s been so long since I’ve done this, that I spent pretty much the entire day wondering what to write about. I’m honestly going to just write, and see what happens.

This semester has been an interesting one so far. Actually, the past few months have really been interesting. August was where it seemed to start. I’m at a loss as to how to explain it without giving it away, because I don’t want to do that.  I only seem to be able to think of ways to describe it that make it sound really drastic and awful, which is wasn’t. It’s just personal. That’s all I’ve got. Anyway, let’s just say I came to a realization that has caused me confusion ever since. There.

September, of course, brought the start of school. It was weird, because I had no friends in any of my classes, which was a first for me. I also dipped my toe in what could potentially be the start of my new career; Human Resources. I’m taking my first HR course this semester, and it’s been good, but I never thought making the switch would be as scary as it has been. I know nothing about HR and the career paths it offers, so I guess that’s part of what’s so scary about it.

However, as far as grades are concerned, I started off at a high that I’ve never experienced before. I was getting 80%’s on tests, which I’ve never done. I tend to freeze, so I’m used to 60%-70%. I was on cloud 9. I thought, that since I started so well, it could only get better. Well, unfortunately it didn’t end up that way. Now, I’m back to the 60% mark. I’ve officially let myself slip, and I’m not happy with myself about it.

In fact, I’ve been unhappy with myself in more ways than one. I’ve always dealt with self-confidence issues, but last week was an all time low for me. In retrospect, I probably should have seen it coming, but I didn’t, and now I have to fix what damage has been done.

I have to try harder; at everything from actually getting up in the morning and doing my makeup, to actually getting help with accounting.

From not getting so angry with myself when I mess up, to just doing better when get another chance.

To standing in front of the mirror and saying positive things about myself, instead of avoiding a mirror altogether.

To asking my God to forgive me when I fall from grace.

I can’t say that I’m perfect, that’s for sure.

Alas, class beckons. I will be back.