Crisis

Hello all!
I absolutely love this song. I may have posted it before, but I could listen to it over and over and over again. Thanks to TRH for posting this on her blog first, which was my introduction to an artist whom I now love :) 








I hope things have been going well for all of you :) Especially to those, like me, who are in the midst of writing finals. I hate this time of year! 

Like any normal person in the midst of exam time, I always get stressed this time of year. It's a last minute scramble to make sure you understand everything, and are doing well enough to at least pass those courses that you absolutely dread. 

This year, exam stress gave me way more than I bargained for. 

Not only was I freaking out about "so much to do and so little time to do it all", I was going through a "mid life crisis" of sorts. 

It started about a month ago. And it started with loneliness. I felt as though I had friends, but no one I really connected with. I felt lost because I didn't have a group of friends that all got along with each other that I could just call up and be like "hey, let's go to a movie" or something of that sort at a minimum. It seems like a petty thing to cause loneliness, but underneath, I felt like I didn't belong. I didn't feel like I had a purpose.

I go through loneliness phases from time to time, but this one hit me quite hard. I in fact, was ready to start looking at schools other provinces, and pack up my stuff next year and hit the road, start somewhere new. Because for a while there, I didn't feel like I mattered in Kelowna. Or to the people I considered my friends. 

After much thinking, and a lot of relying on God, I was reminded that I had a place here (for now), and so I am here, and am a happier person now in that regard. I also started to ponder about what my priorities are, and what they should be. Which is a difficult one that I will probably always struggle with, but this is the first time I've actually faced it.


So after that crisis, I moved on to a new one. 

It's amazing how frustration builds and builds, and you don't realize it until you hit the 'climax' of sorts. 

I realized, a couple days ago, that I was really frustrated with where my education was going. I've been going to college for 2 years, and for about a year and a half of that time, I've had no sense of direction. I've just been taking courses to get credits. I started to become more and more frustrated with myself, as it feels like I am the only one in school right now that doesn't have a sense of direction. Well, didn't I suppose, because now I am 99% sure of what I want to do. But it's a really scary feeling to watch other people who know exactly what they're doing and pursue it with passion, when you just feel like you're floating along with no direction. 


So thanks to many people in my life, I had my little freak out, and now I feel back on track. I've set short term goals for myself, in order to give myself direction. I find it really really difficult to set long term goals for myself, so instead, I'll do short term, complete one thing at a time, and see where life takes me from there. 

One of the short term plans I've set for myself involves fitness. I've decided that by the end of the summer, I want to be able to do Knox Mountain runs. I've never, ever considered doing this before, but I know many people that do them, and I think it would be an accomplishment that I could truly be proud of. I've never been athletic, and have never achieved anything great in terms of fitness. So to be able to do runs on Knox Mountain would be a great achievement for me. 

The other goals are hard ones to share, they are personal ones involving how I perceive myself. They're hard goals because not only do they force me to look inside myself and ask some difficult questions, but they're hard to set specifc goals for. However, I still hope to make changes throughout the summer, and I will probably provide updates as I start to perceive changes. 

I am grateful to the people in my life who have kept me sane over the last little while, H.B, S.H, A.Z-G, D.H, B.G, and JJK are only a few people who have kept me calm/brought me back to sanity/been an encouragement to me. So I thank all of you for helping me remember what's important, and for giving me the encouragement that I needed! I couldn't have arrived at the mindset I have now without all of you. 

Have a happy week, and if you haven't made any short or long term goals for yourselves, I suggest you do it! Think of things you really want to accomplish in your life and work hard to get there. It's amazing how it will change your mindset on life!